Taking up pole dancing is brilliant – I’ve loved it since my very first lesson and couldn’t imagine my life without pole in it, but there are a number of problems every pole dancer will experience at some point in their lives.
1. You’re coated in bruises
At first I was worried about the fact I kept bruising after each pole session because I hated the way it made my legs look in shorts or skirts, and obviously didn’t want anyone to think I had been beaten, but then I learned to embrace my pole bruises (or pole kisses as I now call them), and I actually get excited when I see a new bruise! Weird – I know, but if you’re a poler you’ll understand. There’s a huge feeling of accomplishment when you’ve mastered a new move and have an awesome new bruise to remind you of it!
2. Friction burns become a regular feature on your body
Alongside the bruising, you’ll often develop friction burns. This is going to sound crazy but, as painful as they are, I love them because I know they’re a sign I’ve worked hard. The only way to stop this is to stop pole – and why would you do that? Pole is awesome!
3. People constantly ask if you’re a stripper
Yes, I do pole dancing but no I am not a ‘pole dancer’ in THAT way…and even if I was, that would’ve been my choice to make! The stereotype associated with pole dancing is slowly fading, but for some it’s still around, and when you post photos to social media sites and get asked “how much, love?” it can be upsetting at first, but after a while you learn to laugh it off.
4. You can’t afford all of the amazingly beautiful pole outfits you want
This fits right in with the typical thing of not being able to afford all of the clothes you want in general, but it could possibly be even more upsetting – yes really! There are countless gorgeous pole outfits available, but most of us can’t justify buying many of them as they tend to be pretty expensive. I just want to glide around the pole coated in sequins and sparkling like a Christmas tree – is that so wrong?! Sadly, I’m yet to find a solution to this problem though – please comment if you have one!
5. Your shoe collection is getting out of control
Pleaser shoes – just writing that word makes my bank balance drop. These are shoes designed specifically for pole dancing and, as I’m a huge fan of shoes in general, the thought of buying Pleasers excites me far more than buying pole outfits. I’m actually yet to purchase some official Pleasers though – as my bank balance just won’t allow it yet, but I’ve found loads of stunning shoes which, until I can afford the real thing, look almost as good.
6. You eat, sleep and breathe pole
Pole dancing is hugely addictive! Once you’re into it, it’s hard to stop thinking about it and you find yourself Googling new move ideas, inspirational videos to watch and just talking to everyone about pole – whether they’re interested or not! There’s no solution to this because, in my opinion, it’s not a bad thing
7. No pole is safe
Not only do you never stop thinking about pole, but you never stop doing pole! My friends find it hilarious that I can’t walk past a ‘good looking pole’ – polers you know what I mean – without climbing it and pulling a pose. Lamposts, street signs, goal posts, tube rails…no pole is safe! Again though, there’s no solution to this – why? Because it’s awesome!
8. Other workouts seem boring in comparison
I love exercising, but honestly – no other workout makes me feel as happy (and strong and sexy) as pole. Nothing even comes close.
9. You learn to accept that tops just don’t fit well anymore
Pole dancing is amazing for getting into shape, but nobody tells you that your arms and shoulders will become bigger and stronger while your waist becomes thinner….awesome I know, but it makes buying tops impossible. I have a number of tops that fit perfectly on my torso, but cling so tightly to my arms that it’s like a mini operation to take them off! Solution…erm…sorry I don’t have one.
10. You’re desperate to get a pole of your own
After the first few lessons you realise that you’d progress so much faster if you could practice at home, and you become desperate to get a pole in your house. They’re actually very reasonably priced, but it’s still a lot of money to find – unless you’re wealthy – in which case send me some pole clothes – please!
11. Once you have a pole of your own, nothing else gets done
I’m serious – housework, cooking – it all gets forgotten. Many even contemplate pulling a sicky from work to play on the pole! As I said earlier though – it’s majorly addictive – but forgetting everything around you just seems so worth it when you’re able to say “but look at this fabulous new move I just mastered!”
12. You wish you had a spare room just for pole
The other problem with having your own pole – most of the time there’s not really enough room for it and you end up kicking the walls/chairs/bed as you try to perform your favourite moves. My only solution to this – and it may hurt you to read this – is that you’re just going to have to cut back on the extended style moves until you get back in the studio for your lessons.
13. You feel immense anger that you’re not yet strong enough/flexible enough to do certain moves
From day one I started researching new moves and hoping and waiting for the day I could do them…and getting angry when I realised, even after loads of practicing, that I still wasn’t strong enough. It’s all good though because you’ll find that you spend pretty much all of your spare time stretching or just repeatedly trying the moves to build your strength…and this will make you an even better poler!
14. When the pole is just too slippy
We’ve all been there, and sadly this happens all of the time – the pole just won’t let you grip. To non-polers that might sound crazy, but the damn cold weather makes the pole too slippy. I’ve spent many lessons feeling uptight because – like a bad hair day – it just wouldn’t happen. There is a fantastic solution to this though – Tite grip! Yay!
15. Your hands resemble a builder’s
Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with builder’s hands, but when the rest of you looks like a sleek and sexy gazelle, while your hands look like Shrek, it’s not the best thing.
16. You just don’t want to do both sides
We all have our favourite side for pole – it’s the one that’s stronger (obviously), but we also know we should work both sides to prevent one side of our bodies from being far stronger (and looking far more toned) than the other. This sucks. Yes – we know we need to do it, and unfortunately there’s no solution to this problem – it just sucks.
17. You somehow end up in a fantastic new pole position, but have no idea what it’s called
We’ve all done it – attempted a new move, failed, but somehow managed to create a totally awesome move from the mess up! Now comes the incredibly annoying Google search for that position’s name – ‘what is it called on the pole when ……..?’ Been there? We all have…I’ve learnt to stop caring about the name of that crazy new move I just found, and just enjoy it.
How many of these pole ‘problems’ can you relate to? Let me know if you can think of any more!